...and it makes me so sad....
I'll have to find something to put in the Experiences pages to represent my mediumship discovery and all of that. I thought that's all this would be, but I kept putting off writing and putting off writing... and I finally know why: what's the point of me?
I'm so very serious and I know I sound like such a freakin' whiner but.. why? God pretty much dragged me into the Church, called me to the prayer life that seemed to turn on all of this, sat me in a pew next to the first person I would ever have clear knowledgeable contact with after he passed, and now.. now I live in a place where the new Pastor of the Parish wrote a long treatise in the bulletin the 2nd week he was here on how nothing a medium gets comes from God and I've been crying on and off ever since.
What's the point? I used to do readings online. I worked very hard to develop my ability to do this well and responsibly. I was on a private forum Allison DuBois started after her show premiered and she was inundated with letters with other people who discovered some abilities in themselves. The problem with being able to actually do this is the tremendous amount of spiritual jealousy. You also get that in church if you have an extraordinary experience.
I don't want to be in the "New Age." Recently, a poster on a forum who found out what I could do asked me to be his personal psychic and offered to pay me. I don't want money. I gave him what I had. But he was so sure he knew everything, he really didn't listen. I can't do anything if people aren't listening. See, this isn't about me. It almost has nothing to do with me. This process is more something that happens in my presence, it's something I observe and report on for another. But I carry around the instrument that the music can come through and it's not only "against the law" to play it, but to even offer to play or to listen if someone else does.
Oh well. I'm going to go find a reading to post in the next few days if I can locate something where I don't feel I am exploiting anyone's privacy. Then I'll go slap myself upside the head for feeling put-upon, what with the beautiful graces God has given me and me being such an ungrateful wretch and all.
Bloggers get kinda weird late at night, I guess.