Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Why me? The Sin of Pride

Saint Teresa in The Way of Perfection, has some great insights into the  difference between true humility and pride disguising itself as humility.  I'm going to put reading her again on my blog to-do list for the week. Maybe I'll find some quotes for the blog.  Anyway, if you read Experience III, that healing was the first time, I think, I really asked "Why me?" 

I imagine anyone who has an Extraordinary Experience and become so much more aware of their own distance from perfection, might ask that same question, thinking: Why would the Lord of the Universe give graces and miracles to such a flyspeck on a clean wall as me? 
But then, we also so often ask, when afflicted by life: why me?  What did I do? I think the answer is the same.

Job, represented as a really great person of faith and devotion, when so sorely afflicted, finally asked God, WHY ME?
Then the LORD addressed Job out of the storm and said:
Where were you when I founded the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding.
Have you ever in your lifetime commanded the morning and shown the dawn its place...?
Do you know the ordinances of the heavens; can you put into effect their plan on the earth?
The LORD then said to Job: ~
Will we have arguing with the Almighty by the critic?
LOL!  No kidding, who do we think we are?  Or who do I think I am, anyway?  It hasn't a thing to do with me, it's all about God and always has been.  We are called by God, live by God, kneel and have faith, by God.  What do we do?  Assent.  That's it, that's our big important power. Are we going to stop assenting because we've decided who should receive Grace? Because we get to judge all of a sudden? 

I used to believe God granted to me some kinds of Grace because I'm a spiritual moron.   Kinda like a mule: you have to whack upside the head with a 2x4 to get his attention.  (Not really, it's just an expression.)  But even that is pride, like I am owed an explanation and if God hasn't provided one, I should give it to myself....

Does the eagle fly up at your command to build his nest aloft?

No, Sir.  No it does not.
I have dealt with great things that I do not understand; things too wonderful for me, which I cannot know.
I had heard of you by word of mouth, but now my eye has seen you.
Therefore I disown what I have said, and repent in dust and ashes.

I'll just stick to telling my story.  By Your leave, of course.

Job excerpts from chapters 38-42

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